1. |
Banana Boy
03:19
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Banana Boy did a very bad thing - pushed a girl off a swing
He smiled as she fell to the floor on her face - such a devilish disgrace
But as the night time fell he saw his little finger turn from flesh to green then to a ripened yellow
Soon it was evident, he would transform into a banana-banana-boy!
Banana Boy made a second mistake - he put worms in a cake!
The birthday was ruined and the children got ill but it gave him a thrill
Just as the night before, a second yellow fellow sprung out of his hand, he felt conspicuous
This was too much for him, he did not want to be a banana-banana-boy
Banana Boy stole a labrador's lunch, now his hands in a bunch
He paid for his crimes with the use of his fists now he twitches and twists
Don't shake him by the hand, don't try to pull his finger
It's not edible and it could be contagious,
Stay on the straight and narrow, and live your life unlike that banana-banana-boy
Banana Boy tried to set himself free but it was not to be
He sliced at the fruit with a knife and a saw but no blood would it draw
Banana Boy made a final foray and got carried away,
He tugged at the tail of a pretty pussycat and she clawed apart the brat
Take my advice my friends, for if you dilly-dally you might find yourself
With popping peeling feelers,
Save your appendages and don't go kicking cats like
Banana-banana-banana-banana-banana-banana-boy
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2. |
The Crabbit
04:00
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I thought it was a joke when my mother said to me
"Don't drink do drugs or smoke" or The Crabbit you will see
When I turned seventeen I drank a bottle of red wine
I mixed it with ice-cream and my sick looked like pink slime
And then I saw The Crabbit, once I'd got the habit
I didn't stop to think, so I had another drink
He beckoned me inside, blowing bubbles in the air
I found a place to hide peering out under the stairs
With the head of a rabbit and the claws of an old crab
He wore a suit that did not fit, and then I called myself a cab
The cab came in a blink and he offered me a drink
I simply had to have it, but the driver, the driver was also The Crabbit!
The Crabbit's taxi swirled, all around the world
We sampled wines and whiskies fine complete with dancing girls
But as the booze did flow, I felt my weakness grow
The Crabbit purred "this could all be yours if you offer me your soul"
And then he turned around and locked into a sound
The car now still became a drill and drove into the ground
Now on the other side, my future life I spied
A toothless wreck, one bottle necked and by the bin I died
But life is very short, so let's live while we're young
For we're far longer in the dirt, it's time to have some fun!
But once you see The Crabbit you know you've got the habit
If you don't stop to think, you'll need another drink
Yes once you've seen The Crabbit you know you've got the habit
If you don't stop to think, you're gonna need to see a shrink
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3. |
The Ear Fairy
03:29
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Gather around and I'll tell you the facts
Of what really happens to all your earwax
Well a maintenance man appears every night
To clean out your ears and vanish from sight
(But you better be good, you better be good, you better be good)
He carries a tool to scrape and to scour
He's typically in and out in one hour
(But you better be good, you better be good, you better be good)
With a magnifying glass he picks out a spot
And makes up his mind who's worthy or not
(So you better be good, you better be good, you better be good)
The Ear Fairy, nice but scary, just beware he
Only comes if you've been good so please be good
Meticulously he leaves no trace
Except for the pleasure plastered on his face
He takes the wax home contained in a jar
And gradually builds up a sculpture bizarre
(But you better be good, you better be good, you better be good)
Collecting them all, lifelike effigies
To help him recall the people he meets
(But you better be good, you better be good, you better be good)
But The Ear Fairy's motives are not what they seem
As he scampers about and dines on our dreams
(Oh but you better be good, you better be good, you better be good)
The Ear Fairy, nice but scary, just beware he
Only comes if you've been good so please be good,
Oh please be good, yes please be good, Oh please be good
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4. |
Guts The Cat
02:52
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Guts was a cat, a very special cat
With a pickle in her pocket and an onion for a hat
Barks like a dog, prickles when she purrs
But her most peculiar habit is to shed her skin and fur
Such a lovely cat, sitting on my lap
She's a hairy cat (but he likes them like that)
Crazy cat you can't do that
You can't do that or I'll give you a slap
Guts was a cat, a very special cat
With a pickle in her pocket and an onion for a hat
She cries tears of jam, honey from her snout
But her most peculiar habit is to tear her insides out!
What's wrong with that cat?
Why wasn't she drowned?
She's a freak of nature!
She should be put down!
What's this about a cat?
Some say it's sick, others say a crime
But when I'm feeling with my feline then I'm really feeling fine
She claws at my beck, scratches at my foot
And when I die she'll eat me then I'll be inside of Guts
Such a crazy cat (such a crazy cat!)
She's sitting on my lap (sitting on my lap!)
She's a hairy cat (she's a hairy cat!)
Hey crazy cat! You can't do that!
You can't do that or I'll give you a slap
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5. |
The Hedgehog Swallower
04:31
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When he was a boy
He'd fill his mouth with most unusual toys
It brought his friends much merriment and joy
A skill he wondered how to best employ
School was not for he
He couldn't find a suitable degree
And so he chose to seek celebrity
He dreamt about the...
Fame and fortune, trips to the moon, silver teaspoons
He was a household name soon!
Hedgehog Swallower, fame and followers, toothbrush borrower
Night time novelty, came from poverty, courts controversy
Now a man of note
Forever putting hedgehogs down his throat
For which he became known across the globe
But seldom did he galavant or gloat
From time to time he'd say
I never chose to live my life this way
But now he's got a house and bills to pay
It's surely worth the...
Inflammation, dehydration, perspiration
Treks across the nation
Hedgehog Swallower, fame and followers, toothbrush borrower
Night time novelty, came from poverty, courts controversy
For a change of pace
He took a job that came without disgrace
But the memories were not erased
He missed the fame, the wealth and the taste
In life we often find
It's difficult to leave our past behind
But when he gets a chance to speak his mind
He'll tell you about his...
Former glories, hedgehog stories, grand and gory
Problems respiratory
Hedgehog Swallower, fame and followers, toothbrush borrower
He's a night time novelty, came from poverty, courts controversy
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6. |
Micky Mould
05:45
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It was an average day, I had a number of tasks
Every day things, not much to ask
I had to water the flowers, bring the tools to the shed
Take my dog for a walk, and throw out the bread
You see the sell-by-date passed, so time to get rid
But I got confused as so often I did
I took the plants for a walk, and I threw out the tools
I watered my dog, and left the bread in the shed like a fool!
Weeks rolled by and I thought of that loaf
But procrastination had hampered this oaf
Sporadically I would say to myself
That bread must be mouldy and bad for my health
But every time that I got up to look
I'd lose myself in a song or a book
Until I got up the courage to finally cross that threshold
And greeting me there was old Micky Mould!
Micky Mould appeared on that weary Winters day
A living breathing souvenir of my forgetful ways
Everywhere I went, he was there
Cultivating cabbages and pulling at my hair
Pointing at the clock - shuts the door
Covers me in post-it notes as if they were his spores
Tapping on his wrist - not again!
And when I dozed he'd poke my nose with rusty odds and ends
My biology is playing tricks on me
It's psychopathy or just a fantasy
Shouts across the room
"Hurry up, there's garbage pails and fingernails just waiting to be cut"
Whispers in my ear
"Don't forget, your every move must be approved from now until your death"
Very soon, Micky Mould had taken control of my whole life
He grew bigger every day, until he was as big as a wardrobe
And with that, his power over me grew also
Can I have a party?
"There's no time! You didn't clean the dishes or scrub away the grime!"
Not even a drink?
"Not a chance, you need to sew the seam between the bottom of your pants"
Ah but what about my dog?
"He won't be missed, you haven't even scraped the surface of your to-do list"
My friends and family!
"Dead and gone, they dropped like flies from putrid pies since Micky came along."
My biology is playing tricks on me
It's psychopathy or just a fantasy
I've tried vitamins but now I'm sick of them
There's no remedy for Micky's malady
But Micky Mould why must I clean all of the dishes,
If I was to smash the dishes I wouldn't have to clean them at all
And every time I clean something - something else gets dirty anyway!
Can't I just do it another time?
And what about time?
Isn't time just a human invention?
When it's one time here it's another time there
And then there's daylight saving when the clocks go back or is it forward?
I mean when you really think about it time doesn't exist!
You don't exist!
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7. |
Doctor Moogle
03:29
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Here comes Doctor Moogle, patients in the aisle
Some say he's a screwball, others can't decide
Makes his diagnosis, just beware what he prescribes
He's a psychopathic surgeon, with a crazy low-low price
So while the rents are surging, he's the only choice
But can this man be trusted, ask no questions tells no lies
Instant satisfaction, for all your darkest fears
He'll turn a tooth extraction into a ruptured ears
So when you feel neurotic, he'll tell you what you want to hear
Look what he's done to you
Look what's become of you
So take your medication, be sure to wash your hands
He'll join you on vacation and dress your wounds with sand
But if you doubt his methods, he'll choke you with his gastric band
Keep those pills a-poppin', be careful who you've kissed
For the only way to stop him is to pretend he don't exist
So close your eyes to Moogle, then you'll see he won't be missed
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8. |
Pillowman
03:43
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There was an old man on our road
Who hated children
Preferred the weather nice and cold
To keep the chill in
He smokes one hundred fags a day
And more on weekends
He never gave us back our ball
We asked him nicely
Laughed when our friends would have a fall
On streets so icy
He'd poke the children with his cane
And trip them over
His face was marked with bumps and boils
He dined on liver
He couldn't stand the sight of smiles
They gave him shivers
But meanwhile I planned my revenge
The mean old miser
Was none the wise
I'd make him nicer!
And so I studied alchemy as I grew older
I slipped something into his tea
When I felt bolder
And slow he began to change into a softy
At first he noticed that his fists
Had turned to pillows
All soft and fluffy 'round the wrists
When once like brillos
And then it went straight to his head
He called a Doctor,
A cure concocter,
It really shocked her...
he started feeling chesty pains
And coughing feathers
He could not quite remove the stains
Around the leather
The fags had finally took their toll
On poor old Pillow
Now all the children come to play
And sit on his head
Made up one hundred thousand games
Around his deathbed
He thought that maybe he was wrong
For always shushing
And always rushing
For poke and pushing
For football crushing
Now he's a cushion
Who's lost his stuffing
He'll soon be nothing!
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9. |
Willy Wet Pockets
03:28
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There's a man who lives at the end of my street
Who absolutely no one ever hopes to meet
With pockets so big and dripping wet
How do you suppose they could ever like that get?
Some people say he keeps his goldfish in there
But most just say beware, beware, beware!
Maybe they're filled with toxic sludge?
In any case, who are we to judge?
Willy Wet, Wet Pockets
How'd they get - how'd they ever get like this?
Willy Wet, Wet Pockets
How'd they get - how'd they ever get like this?
What's he got inside there
What's he trying to hide there
What's he got inside there
What's he trying to hide there
Willy Wet, Wet Pockets
How'd they get - how did they ever get like this?
Willy Wet, Wet Pockets
How'd they get - how'd they ever get like this?
Willy Wet, Wet Pockets
How'd they get - how'd they ever get like this?
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10. |
Sally Shortcake
05:10
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Lost and alone, a stranger in my home
As I tried to decide how I should end my life
Something quick and painless
Jumped on the tracks and fell right through the cracks
On my own in this world, I couldn't find a girl
One to hold and cherish
Then suddenly I found a recipe
For a cake I could bake, a bride for me to take
I'll call her Sally Shortcake
Expedience, I lacked ingredients
So I just improvised with raisins for her eyes
And a strawberry nose yeah!
And she'll taste like shortcake
But how long does it take?
We faced our first hurdle when the cream began to curdle
The raisins once her eyes, made nests for the fruit flies
And when I held her hand she melted like quicksand
But love is blind and certainly quite hard to find
Sally Shortcake's sweet, swept me off my feet
Made my life complete, now there's nothing else I need
Sally Shortcake's sweet, pretty and petite
Such tremendous treats, watch her slipping through my sheets
But cake every day is bad for the gut
And her lecherous ways were driving me nuts
Sally went stale and I was a sponge
Our love was to fail and turn into gunge
Wait wait wait Sally Shortcake-cake-cake
Sally Shortcake-cake-cake
Wait Sally Shortcake-cake-cake-cake
(Come back Sally!)
Sally played around with every boy in town
I called her a tart and she just tore my heart apart
I knew it was soon over with me and this pavlova
She could not defrost but it's better to have loved and lost
Sally Shortcake's sweet, she swept me off my feet
But our eyes don't meet, now there's something else she needs
Sally Shortcake's sweet, she's pretty and petite
As we face defeat for we couldn't stand the heat
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Monsieur Pompier's Travelling Freakshow Dublin, Ireland
Monsieur Pompier makes music about inside-out cats, weird doctors and banana boys. Having toured all over Europe since their inception in 2017, the group signed to Cleopatra Records in 2021.
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